THE WEEKLY WHINE
Life is so short and the world is so big and that stresses me out.
I feel almost preemptively sad that I will not be able to go to all the places I want to go, including the places I haven’t even heard of yet. There are so many beautiful cities and beaches and mountains that I will simply never see and that feels unfair!!!
I guess that’s like the anxiety-riddled version of wanderlust, the fad word of early 2010s Tumblr. For those you who were actually popular in high school and therfore not running fashion blogs with titles like “beautifulanddirtyrich” (I felt sooo cool to have secured that url), you may have avoided the pervasive sepia-filtered stock photos of maps emblazoned with an egregious cursive WANDERLUST and made up “definitions.”
So, I’m trying to see as much as I can in my short lil’ stint on this planet. I wrote most of this on a plane to Mexico City (where I sat directly across from an older gentleman who ordered a vodka cranberry at 11:30AM EST and drank it while watching Finding Nemo) which is maybe why I'm feeling so existential about life and travel and everything. Although, I suppose I wouldn’t have this newsletter if I didn’t always feel a little existential.
I didn’t travel much as a kid due to the whole being-one-of-seven-kids thing (no, I was not raised in a cult) – the biggest trip we went on was when we drove to Toronto to see the Red Sox play the Blue Jays, which shows how aggressively Boston my family is.
So – I feel like I have some lost time to make up for. Maybe that’s why I ended up line dancing and skiing in Alaska last week!
JUNEAU WHAT LOVE IS ?
All I really knew about Alaska was that it was far, cold, and weirdly close to Russia.
The short answer to why did you go to Alaska? (besides because I don’t have a job?) is that my friend Piper lives out there (she is very adventurous and cool) and I went with another one of our friends to visit her for a week. Speaking of travel, I met Piper and Catherine while we were studying abroad in Prague. They were two of the only non-NYU students in our program and yet I’m better friends with them than most of the NYU girlies that were there. We were all in the same Czech class and bonded because we were all far and away the worst! All I remember now is Dobry Den! (good day) and lilek (eggplant). I don’t know why.
Honestly, Juneau is like… cool. It’s not nearly as rural as I imagined it to be (my knowledge of Alaska is unfortunately mostly informed by Sarah Palin) – there was a cute, colorful town center with a bunch of fun bars and restaurants all within walking distance of each other on a few main streets. I was basically in my own gay Hallmark movie: a jaded, out-of-touch New Yorker working a fancy corporate job suddenly gets laid off and goes to visit his friend in Alaska, where he falls in love with a chiseled ice fisherman and discovers the true meaning of Christmas along the way. Of course, the back half of that sentence did not happen (Alaskan Grindr is, well, Alaskan Grindr) but I’m holding out for my next visit.
Related – I would like to formally pitch my new reality dating show Juneau What Love Is? where Colin, a hot single gay guy (OK, I could get hot with some streaming money), dates men across the state to see if he can find love outside of the major cities. Netflix, if you’re reading this, call me!
Juneau feels like a college town without a college – a smaller version of something like Amherst or Burlington: everything was close together and everyone seemingly knew everyone. Within a few days, I started recognizing familiar faces at my favorite spots. My favorite bar was a gin distillery which also made their own tonic – their house G+T was the best I’ve ever had and it cost a whopping five dollars. Meanwhile I’ll get one in Brooklyn that’s bottom-shelf gin mixed with carbonated sewer water and it will cost me 20 dollars.
We were also in town at the same time as the Alaska Folk Festival which meant that there was live music at almost every bar almost every night. Actually, not even just at bars, there was music in most stores and restaurants and street corners. The folks were folking! On our last night we ended up fully line-dancing (do-si-do-ing, the whole thing) with a bunch of strangers to a live folk band and by the end we were genuinely sweating.
While Alaska has some great gin, you don’t go that far up north just for the cocktails. You go to see the World’s Smallest Costco. Which is still massive, FYI. The only noticeable change was that it did not have pizza :(
No, you go for all the outdoor activities – AKA all the things you can’t do in New York. We went hiking, trail running, It’s not as cold as you think it is – it was 40s and 50s the whole time I was there – but it rains about 90% of the time. We lucked out weather-wise and got a few clear, sunny days (which I’m told are far and few between, meaning that my presence was a good luck charm).
SKIING: COLIN’S FINAL FRONTIER
Juneau is known for skiing, which Colin Burke is decidedly not known for.
Although I lived in Massachusetts for most of my life, I had only been skiing once because of, again, the whole one-of-seven-kids thing. In high school, after begging to learn, my dad took me and my sister Siobhan to New Hampshire and tried to teach us how to ski – Siobhan, a perennial athlete, was a natural and I was… not. I was at the peak of my angsty teen phase (to be determined if it actually was just a phase) and the absolute last thing I wanted was to be told what to do by my dad. I kept falling face-first and getting progressively more frustrated when my dad (bless his heart) tried to help me: I would cry and feel my tears freeze just a little. Shockingly, my dad did not offer to take me again.
Happy to report that this time was a lot better. I didn’t ski right when I got there — I wanted my friends to have their time to ski like normal people so I somehow ended up taking the chairlift up and then just… walking down the mountain? I got a lot of weird/confused looks from passing skiiers but honestly had a blast.
Piper and Catherine are expert skiiers/snowboarders and they very generously helped me make my way down the bunny hill. Feeling confident in my abilities, they took me to the intermediate slope where I proceeded to literally crash into the chairlift operator as I was attempting to get on and then tumble my way down the mountain. So, I stuck to the easier slopes for my safety and that of the elderly chairlift operator. Trust and believe that I was RUNNING that bunny hill by the end of my second day.
Learning to ski as an adult is not easy and can also feel quite embarrassing when you’re on the bunny hill with literal toddlers who are already better than you. Fifteen year old me simply could not cope but, ten years later, I’ve learned that no one cares about you as much as you care about yourself — no one is going to point and laugh at you for not being instantly good at something. I also learned how to cross-country ski (thank you Sydney for teaching us!) which was easier to learn but a lot harder to do!
Now that I’m a pro skier, I’ll definitely be back to Alaska. I found myself, even after eight long days, genuinely sad to leave. I highly encourage you all to head up to Alaska if you’re able to – you won’t regret it and even if you do you’ll always get to say you went, right?
Also how funny was it of me to say “no one cares about you as much as you care about yourself” as I write a 1000+ word post about my vacation — thanks for reading xoxo
WHINE WITH ME
A quick recap of what I’m watching/reading/listening to
READING
Stuff my friends are writing: Ian just launched his new baking blog which you should absolutely bookmark if you want to make the best desserts of your life. Writer extraordinaire Maeve started an extremely funny newsletter called Personi-Fiction where she writes from the perspective of an object/person in a stock image. And last but never least – my beloved Audrey Payne, who often edits this very newsletter, guest edited the latest issue of Cherry Bombe (!!!) and wrote a poignant editor’s letter about taking risks. I have cool friends, don’t I???
Hello, Molly!, Molly Shannon: I love to listen to memoirs as audiobooks, especially when the author is someone as dynamic and funny as Molly Shannon. Yes, there’s some great showbiz tales, but more than that, it’s about the lasting effects of Shannon losing her mom, sister, and cousin in a car accident early in her life. It’s a heart wrenching-yet-heartwarming story about a family persevering through tremendous grief. 10/10.
Just Last Night, Mhairi McFarlane: A rom-com that’s surprisingly clever and self-aware, Just Last Night focuses on a close-knit group of friends whose lives are upended by secrets and surprises after one of them announces they’re engaged.
Let’s Not Do That Again, Grant Ginder: Shout out to my former writing professor who I’ve forced into being my friend, Grant, whose new novel is genuinely great. It’s a family drama set amidst a make-or-break senate campaign and there’s a gay son writing a Joan Didion musical called Hello to All That! which is just perfect.
LISTENING
Solar Power - Spotify Singles, Glass Animals: In Alaska, my friend put this on her car and said “Glass Animals have a new song!” and it took me almost a full minute to realize this was actually a Lorde cover. They give it a 70s-style vibe, trading the chill acoustic guitar of the original for big synths and drums — it works perfectly.
That’s Where I Am, Maggie Rogers: I desperately want to listen to this song while driving on a cool summer night, screaming the lyrics out the window. IT ALL WORKS OUT IN THE END!!!
Somebody Like You, Bree Runway: This song is definitive proof that Bree Runway should be 100 times more famous than she is. It’s a dark and sexy earworm with killer vocals and pulsing drums. Bonus: she released an arguably even better Orchestral Version last week.
Holding Back, BANKS: Speaking of dark and sexy, BANKS may be the queen of that genre. Holding Back, from her great new album, might be my favorite song of hers in years.
WATCHING
Starstruck (HBO Max): If you find yourself missing the rom-coms of the early aughts/ late 90s, Starstruck is your next obsession. It’s Notting Hill meets Fleabag: an irreverent New Zealander has a one night stand with a hot guy she meets at a party and realizes the next morning he’s a famous actor. You’ll cry, laugh, scream at your TV, and develop a strong crush on Tom Kapoor. Plus, with two six-episode seasons, it’s basically the length of a movie.
Is It Cake? (Netflix): Why did no one tell me this show was like… good? It’s stupid but it knows it’s stupid and it’s also surprisingly heartwarming??? A great addition to the illustrious “shows to have on in the background while doing chores” canon.
XOXO COL
AHHH I can't believe I'm a week late to the most iconic newsletter on planet earth (*sends* virtual apology flowers)!! I blame my profs for assigning too many essays lol. honestly, i can't ski to save my life and fun fact 15, year-old me couldn't get past the bunny slopes ahah. If you like Mhairi McFarlane's writing, you would like her other book called "If I never met you".
more songs recs for you because I think we have very similar taste in music: London by mokita, you signed up for this by Maisie peters, enemies by lauv, somebody else by loote (also tomorrow tonight is great too!), the walls are way too thin by holly humberstone.
maybe it's the scorpio rising pushing me to bold, but I think we have lots in common, soo I'd love to grab a virtual coffee with you if you're comfortable with this idea :)